Slugger

So, Joey has totally become uber physical this last week.  He used to be a biter when he was under one, and as he got older,he would occasionally hit people. This last week, he took it up a notch and pretty much hit anyone that came into his personal bubble!  It has been so frustrating.  I mean, he has a reputation as the wrestling kid or rough kid in our Mommy and Me Classes!  UGH!!!  Most of the parents have been completely awesome about Joey's form of communication, but I'm sure that their patience is going to run thin here very shortly. 

Joey's 5 year-old girlfriend, Tahj.  He loves this little lady and calls out her name all day long.  Unfortunately, they are moving  in a few weeks.  We are super bummed to be losing some great neighbors!

I've talked with a bunch of experienced military parents (a few people think that this aggression could be related to Michael's deployment) about this.  Some say that I need to be more consistent and "on it" with time outs.  No warnings, immediately in time out as soon as he hits.  Others suggested spanking or a little pat back.  Also, leave the events/classes as soon as he hits.  After Wednesday (the worst day of his pent up aggression), I felt so very defeated.  He hit so many different kids and myself throughout the day, threw so many tantrums, went into time out several times...it was exhausting and overwhelming.  I was ready to cancel all social events until we got to N.C.!

Joey loves Terryn, one of Tahj's brothers.  He was born right after we got here and Joey loves to visit him.  He likes to pet Terryn's head and say "baby".   He also likes to get up in little man's face and try to give kisses!  

However, Thursday was a new day.  I was going to try some of the new techniques that I had learned and have a new attitude.  It seemed to work.  Before we left the house, we had to deal with the car seat.  This entails Joey fighting me, wrestling with me, pulling my hair, slapping me and me usually ignoring him or sternly telling him "No!".  Today, I tried something different.  When he slapped me, I calmly spanked him.  He was so shocked.  He looked at me, started crying, and said "hurts, hurts".  I said "yes, hurts Joey, hurts Mommy, hurts friends, no hit because it hurts".  I then hugged him and told him I loved him.  Now for anyone reading this that is ready to call child protective services, I have never hit Joey and I don't plan on spanking being used as a normal form of punishment.  However, after months and months of ignoring or telling him "No", I had to do something.  Joey cannot ride in the car unless he's in the car seat.  We cannot avoid the car and just walk everywhere we go...even though that would be pretty sweet.  I am also not going to let him continue to hit me or anyone that tries to put him in the car seat.  Once I hugged him, he was fine.  No more tears and was as happy as a clam chowing down on his goldfish.  The spanking was a hard decision to be made.  I feel like spanking a kid for hitting is kind of hypocritical.  I'm trying to teach him not to hit, but then I'm going to hit him?  Doesn't make a lot of sense to me, but I also think that sometimes, as a parent/caregiver, you have to change your tactics if the current ones are not working.  I must say that Joey did not fight me the rest of the day when it was time to get into the car seat.  (Just to clarify one more time, I will not be using spanking/hitting my child as my new form of punishment, it will only be used in extreme circumstances when other forms of punishment have been extensively exhausted). 

Joey's class projects from the month of February.  Yes, I know you all think my son is a genius by the looks of these cutting skills, but I must pop your bubbles and inform you that Joey had A LOT of help from Mommy and his teacher.

When we got to his toddler class, before we entered the room, I got eye-level with him and told him that if he hits anyone we are leaving the class immediately.  I don't know if he understood me, but I figured it was worth a shot.  He did hit one little girl, but that was after she tried taking his toys and she was pretty rough too.  That still doesn't make hitting excusable, but I figured one slip would be okay.  You know what?  He didn't hit one other person or have any other meltdowns the rest of the time!  

Joey getting ready to work on the vacuum cleaner!

And the rest of the day?  Went great.  I also made some adjustments to myself as a Mom.  Since I am with Joey 24/7 and assume I show him enough attention, I don't actually show 100% of my attention sometimes during the day.  I may be on the phone while playing with him.  Making dinner or cleaning up while he's playing.  Watching TV in the background while playing trucks.  I decided to truly devote 100% of my attention to most of our playtime together (I say "most" because it is an unreal expectation for me to never answer the phone, answer the door, make our dinner during the daytime hours).  These new changes seemed to go over very well for both of us.  I don't feel so defeated anymore.  I feel good as a parent again. I guess you need those really crappy days to check yourself and your routine.  You get complacent.  I know  I do...sometimes I feel like I am in a scene from "Groundhog Day".  

Joey trying to unscrew a screw!

So, baby boy, it's not just you that's learning and growing everyday, it's Mommy and Daddy too!  Just know that we will always love you...we may not always like you, but we will always love you!  :) 

Peanut Butter and Jelly!