First Four Weeks

I know a few of you have been stalking this blog, as well as my Facebook page, looking for new photos of Joey. I understand your need for more Joey. I really do, and I'm not ignoring your pleas.

It's just...we are...so...TIRED!!! This baby is a freaking barracuda and does not like to come up for air from my boobies. There is nothing in life that can prepare a person for the sleep deprivation that comes with having a child. Did you know that sleep deprivation is a form of torture?!?! WTH?! Michael and I are really trying to fit sleep in when possible! It is very tough when your child is latched onto your boob for 15-19 times a day (that's right, you read those numbers correctly)!

I hate breastfeeding. There, I said it. With us about to enter the fourth week of Joey's life, the breastfeeding has gotten a lot better but it has been the hardest thing I've ever done. My nipples still hurt. They hurt consistently for the first two weeks. It felt like razor blades were being sucked out of me every time Joey would latch on. We worked on his latch which was the cause for this ungodly pain. I think we finally have accomplished a good latch now.

I'm about to make a statement and I want you to actually think about what I'm saying before you make some snide ass comment about babies and what did I expect. I'm not sure if you guys knew this about me, but I don't like needy people. I pride myself on having very self-sufficient, independent, awesome friends that can take care of themselves. Well, as you all know, babies are needy! VERY NEEDY. However, the part that bugs me is that I am the only one in the house that can breastfeed Joey. We are exclusively breastfeeding (so no formula) for health, economic, and vanity reasons (go away baby weight!). When your child eats up to 19 times a day and you are the only one out of a house full of people to be able to fulfill this task, this act gets old...fast. Plus, I know some people get off on people completing relying on them for stuff...I don't.

I also hear lots of moms talk about the bonding they feel with their baby when they breastfeed. I don't feel bonding at all. I feel annoyance that I have to sit still for another 20 minutes while this child mutilates my boobs. I'm sure it will get better over time, but right now, with my lack of sleep and crazy ass hormones out of control, I'm not having much hope! However, last week I was at my breaking point, and I was talking with my dad about the subject. I didn't want to quit breastfeeding because of all of the benefits, but how could I keep doing something that made me not so in love with my child?

During our discussion, he reminded me that between the 4-6 week mark, I can introduce a bottle and pacifier to Joey because the "nipple confusion" period is over. That means I can start pumping breast milk and other people can feed Joey, not just me. This was music to my ears! I love Joey so much and do like that he always wants me (I'm going to ignore the fact that Joey is only in love with me because I smell like a walking milk buffet!). I swear I have A.D.D. and I have a really hard time sitting still. Maybe it's a good thing that I'm the only one that can feed Joey because it forces me to sit my butt down and enjoy time with my son. But once we introduce the bottle, then other people can help me out once in awhile. This makes me feel a lot better! Now with the realization that others will be able to help with this duty, breastfeeding does not suck as badly. And it has gotten a lot better during these past four weeks, so maybe in a few more, I won't even mind it all anymore. One day at a time. Baby steps, right?